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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27643874">the darkness will hear our cries</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/escapism_addict/pseuds/escapism_addict'>escapism_addict</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Trauma, Dissociation, Eventual Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Everyone Has Issues, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Heavy Angst, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Oops, POV Zuko (Avatar), Past Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Post-Episode: s03e16 The Southern Raiders, Protective Sokka (Avatar), Self-Indulgent, The Author Regrets Nothing, Zuko (Avatar) Angst, Zuko (Avatar) Needs Therapy, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, but only for a second, implied/referenced suicidal ideation, like it’s zuko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:35:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27643874</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/escapism_addict/pseuds/escapism_addict</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They say you can discover yourself on the beaches of Ember Island. Sure, Zuko has learnt a great deal about himself and his repressed feelings, but what he didn’t expect was to learn about the boy who wears blue. </p><p>It turns out neither of the teenage boys could sleep on a particularly windy night on the Ember Islands. Zuko is trying to distract himself from his own thoughts while going on a walk alone, late at night through the beach, reflecting on many aspects of his difficult life, but ends up finding a great comfort in someone who he never expected to. Sokka.</p><p>Maybe their connection is greater than he imagined, and maybe he has even caught some serious feelings for the warrior boy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azula &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Iroh &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Ozai &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Sokka &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the darkness will hear our cries</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Walking along the side of the beach, not quite where the murky sand meets the water. No destination, just the purpose of walking driving as a temporary distraction from whatever nightmares his mind conjures. Or maybe he walks to feed these thoughts, let them speak for once, so that ultimately they do not conquer his subconscious leaving him a hostage to their wrath. Maybe he listens ever once in a while to hope to silence them. ( As if anything could silence them. )</p><p>How strange to be a victim to your own mind? How strange to fear your own abilities? </p><p>His mind knows his own worst nightmares and reminds him of them constantly, a horror film of his own memories playing on a never-ending loop. What a sick way to live, what an awful way to be. Why are we built like this? Why are we our own greatest enemies? Why do we actively have to try and distract ourselves from ourselves, in order to protect ourselves?</p><p>It’s really something when you can no longer trust your own actions, as if someone else takes control, people from our past perhaps, people who made a difference. </p><p>For his whole life, Zuko was his father’s son, his father’s disappointment, his father’s mistake. Every thought he had was placed there by his father, every task at hand, every goal in mind all to please the man whose expectations were always insatiable. But who else would Zuko have wanted to please? A child is born trusting the hands of the people who created them, they don’t know anything else. They are a clean slate, a fresh start, one can make a child the very best version of themselves from the beginning, or one can manipulate their innocent, unknowing minds and ruin them for life. </p><p>Infecting them with diseases of self hatred, self doubt, making them believe that they are the one who is doing wrong, they are not enough, they need to try harder. </p><p>Learn to hold a pencil wrong from a young age and it is very hard to forget it and learn correctly. Learn that you are worthless, pathetic, weak and stupid from a young age and it is even more difficult to unlearn. When you grow up constantly pushing more from yourself, endlessly determined for an approval you will never get, you don’t know how to live any other way. You don’t know what it feels like to be the talented one, the good one, the prodigy. You don’t know what life looks like without self hatred so tightly interwoven into every waking thought you have.<br/>
Zuko may not have memorised his katas, but he memorised the feeling of fire on his skin, he memorised the pain that fathers can create, the pain that Zuko thought he deserved. </p><p>Who else would he learn from? His mother? She was gone and Uncle wasn’t there nearly enough, he was off fighting in the war, fuelling the global hatred and causing more unnecessary pain. Even after Lu Ten died, he didn’t come back to the palace, he had to rediscover himself alone, had to process grief alone, which left Zuko alone. ( Don’t think about Uncle, not right now. ) His father was the man who Zuko was meant to worship, to praise, to look up to and eventually to become. In return he was the man who was meant to love Zuko, to guide him through life, to be an inspiration and someone to confide in. Sure, Zuko learnt plenty from his father, all of which he had to struggle to unlearn, all of which he had to banish from his brain, all still a poison lingering in the back of his mind, one that gets awfully loud when he’s alone in the dark. Much too loud. A constant reminder, of his own worthlessness and sensitivity. A constant reminder that he is already broken, so all he can do is help save others from the same man who destroyed him from the inside and out. ( Who is still continuing to destroy him, because no matter how far away he runs, father will always live in his thoughts. )</p><p>Sometimes it’s best not to run. Zuko is so tired of constantly running, constantly trying to rid what is now a permanent fixture in his mind. His whole life spent running away from people, family members, who wanted him dead. Now he runs from himself, which is all the more scarier. The world doesn’t let you forget what has been drilled into your mind for years, no matter how much you want it to. Maybe it is just best to accept it, to stop fighting it and to just wallow miserably in his own demons, finally let them consume him, finally be at peace instead of trying to deflect the inevitable. Zuko is just so fucking tired, always just so tired. ( Then give up, you’ll do everyone a favor. )</p><p>The wind is awfully gusty tonight. Zuko’s scruffy, dark hair blows with the wind, catching onto the salty, moist air, it feels soft on his skin. ( Dark hair like father, pale skin like father, golden eyes like- ) The waves crash rhythmically onto the shore, the beach is empty this late at night. Water pushing and pulling, splashing and howling, constantly moving, vicious, violent slashes, ice cold waters pulling you under, the light rapidly moving further and further away. Gasping for air, getting the burn of your lungs instead, desperately climbing towards to light only to be pushed further down. All sound is drowned out, all fires put out, sinking and falling limply to the bottom, every pain forgotten, all suffering forgotten, now just a corpse on the ocean floor. </p><p>A shiver runs down Zuko’s spine. He came out here to search for a distraction, not to find more reasons to feel fear. He forces his golden eyes to look away from the war zone that the ocean is tonight and stares out at the sky above instead. He isn’t sure how long he has been walking, he isn’t sure where he is ( he’s trapped in his mind, that’s where he is ), but he can worry about that later. For now he continues forwards, one step after another, one breath at a time. </p><p>Dark sky, soft sand, gusty wind. Dark sky, soft sand, gusty mind. </p><p>There are countless memories Zuko has attached to the beaches here on Ember Island, back when Zuko’s relatives could actually be considered a family. Zuko, his mother, his sister and his father going to the beach. Mother doing Zuko’s hair and pointing out the different types of birds and crabs. Sister giggling and chasing something in the water. Father somewhere in the distance ( but it was better like that, every close interaction ended in tears. He may not have known it back then, but it was better like that ). Even recently, he was here with Azula, Mai and Ty Lee. It was surprisingly nice. For once, even if just for a moment, Azula acted liked she cared about how Zuko felt ( “Come down to the beach. Come on. This place is depressing.” ). Now though they are all separated and all left on equally bad terms, that temporary understanding of one another washed away, or maybe it was never really there. Mai betrayed Azula, Zuko wouldn’t be surprised if Ty Lee joined her. That in itself was too much to think about, they could be in prison if not dead. And Azula- Zuko doesn’t know, he was never good at guessing how people will react or interpreting people well, but there’s no way she is happy. Her two best friends for life, both suddenly turning against her, siding with her failure of a brother, a traitor. Zuko loves his little sister, but hates what Azula has become. Their relationship was never easy, and it never will be, that much is predictable, but maybe one day, after the war is over and all battles have been fought, maybe one day they can pretend like nothing every happened between them and act like they did on this very beach, if they both survive. ( One can always dream. )</p><p>Some more memories arise, but Zuko fights them down. He would rather not remember the rare, happy moments, knowing that the only reason they were happy is because he was an oblivious child who didn’t know any better. He would rather not try and humanise his father and Azula in his mind, because he knows he will have to help Aang defeat them soon and nothing can get in the way of him. Nothing can hold him back, because the weight of the world is on his and his friends shoulders. </p><p>Besides he decided to forget these memories, to abandon them in the empty, derelict place at the very back of his mind the moment he burnt the painting of his family that day on this  beach. He had said he hadn’t cared ( Ty Lee had disagreed ), and it’s true, he doesn’t care and he never will regret burning those paintings. Those memories mean nothing to him. Not only burning the canvas sheet, but his identification with the family that was being displayed. His father stripped him of his title, of his sanity, but at lest this he can claim on his own, Zuko can choose to stop associating himself with his relatives, and that is a choice which he made. It doesn’t matter how things used to be because that was an illusion and Zuko knows that happiness is always temporary anyway, one should never get too settled. ( The smell of jasmine tea, their little apartment, the lovely tea shop, everything was perfect. It never lasts. )</p><p>Zuko blinks rapidly and suddenly becomes more aware of his surroundings again. He has walked back to the old vacation house they are staying in for the time being, the very house that is saturated with memories. He sighs and heads towards the entrance, it is almost morning at this point, the sun turning back around to return to the world, he should at least try and get a few hours sleep. He walks up the steps, his featherlight steps still making a hallow echo sound on the wooden planks, creaking slightly too. He keeps his head down as he walks in, heading to the room which he designated to himself, a guest room of course, no strings attached, when suddenly he hears someone shuffling.</p><p>“Sokka?” Zuko hates how raspy his voice comes out. He hadn’t spoken for a while now. The figure standing in the dark crashes and then yelps, before slowly standing up and coming nearer.<br/>
“Zuko? Is that you? What are you doing up man? It’s like almost morning.” It is Sokka, his blue eyes wide as he glances over Zuko. He’s wearing a casual, loose, blue shirt with some sleeping shorts as well. His hair is down, which is different than usual, but Zuko is not complaining at all.<br/>
“I could say the same for you.” He replies dryly and then goes to move past Sokka down the corridor, before a firm hand on his shoulder stops him. He flinches slightly ( this damn house is putting him on edge even after all these years, and that walk wasn’t exactly calming ), and Sokka quickly recoils.<br/>
“Hey, are you good?” Sokka asks quietly. Zuko resists the urge to groan.<br/>
“Fine. Now goodnight.”<br/>
“Come on dude, we’re both up, we might as well hang out, chat for a bit, have some fun you know. And maybe you could tell me what’s bothering our dearest Crowned Price of the Fire Nation, eh?”<br/>
“Nothing is bothering me.” Zuko insisted, as Sokka rolled his eyes dramatically.<br/>
“I don’t need Toph to tell me that was a lie.” Sokka muttered and Zuko turned away once again, walking briskly away.<br/>
“Hey, wait! At least hang out with me, please man? I’m kind of bored and I don’t think either of us are getting to sleep anytime soon. Besides, you snooping around at night and only returning now is very suspicious. You wouldn’t want me reporting you to Katara now would you?” Sokka smirks at Zuko and now he does groan.<br/>
“Katara forgave me, you know this.” Zuko deadpans.<br/>
“Ah, but this is very suspicious. She may have forgiven you, but does she trust you? Sneaking out at night to report to the fire nation like a spy-“<br/>
“Okay, okay! I’ll fucking chat with you. Is that really what you want me to say?” Zuko snaps. Sokka smiles and not so subtly hisses a ‘yes!’.<br/>
“Yes, it is. Now let’s go.” Sokka responds, still smirking.<br/>
“What? Where?”<br/>
“What you expecting us to just chat in the corridor like couple of losers? Come to my room, it’ll be fun.” Sokka gestures towards him and starts practically skipping away. Zuko almost feels his jaw drop to the floor at this strange request, but ultimately follows him. </p><p>They walk in silence, the wind batting against the window panes. The smell of dust and old wood is almost overwhelming, but walking behind Sokka leaves a drift of slightly oceanic, sweet smell, which Zuko appreciates. Sokka has an aquatic sent, a whalebone collar, bright, ocean blue eyes, sun kissed skin and probably a strong tolerance for coldness.</p><p>He is like the opposite of Zuko in every way, and yet he is so attractive to him. Zuko had never seen anyone like Sokka growing up, all the same pale, dark haired people, Sokka would be a sore thumb in the fire nation. Everything about him is so interesting and compelling to Zuko, growing up on the South Pole, training to become a warrior, using his iconic boomerang and meteor sword. There are so many cultural differences between the two, sure Zuko could say the same about him and Katara and Aang as well, maybe even Toph, but it seems more real when he compares himself to a boy almost his age.</p><p>They grew up in completely different settings, quite literally on the opposite sides of the world, on such different terms, and yet they still have so many similarities. Both have lost their mother at a young age, both have had absent father figures, both have a prodigy sister, both the older sibling, both just regular teenage boys trying to live their lives while simultaneously navigating through a war in which their two sides are against each other. Obviously they both have struggles and trauma as well, but who doesn’t. No one in their group is unharmed, each of them carrying their own burdens and traumas, each of them dealing with their own shit. No on has gone untouched, no one is flawless, some are just better at coping then others. All of them, just kids. Just kids being thrown into their ancestors problems and expected to find a solution. Just kids trying to survive. Trying to live. </p><p>They make it to Sokka’s room in a comfortable silence. It’s identical to the other guest rooms, big, red and almost empty. Sokka’s weapons are placed neatly in a corner of the room, as well as some scrolls and a green, earth kingdom bag. Sokka gestures to the bed and makes his way over, Zuko isn’t sure wether to be flattered or concerned. </p><p>Sokka rests his legs on the bed and brings his hands up behind his head nonchalantly. Zuko sits awkwardly on the side of the bed.<br/>
“So, where were you just then?” Sokka asks, his eyes practically glowing with curiosity, although his tone is casual.<br/>
“I was ... going for a walk. Why are you up?” Sokka chuckles at him.<br/>
“A walk? At this hour? Dude, I literally learn something crazy about you every single day.” Sokka scoffs.<br/>
“I was just, you know, clearing my head. Answer my question now.”<br/>
“Well the wind isn’t exactly quiet.” Sokka shrugs.<br/>
“You really don’t seem like the light sleeper type.” Zuko says.<br/>
“Well sue me for thinking it’s a little hard to sleep when the wind is fucking bashing against the house for the whole night and the fact that we are sleeping in the very place that the Firelord used to have his vacations. This place is just eerie and unsettling. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you.” Sokka admits and looks away for a moment. Zuko isn’t sure how to respond. Sure being here makes him more than uncomfortable and makes his heart thunder in his chest most of the time, but none of that concerns Sokka. </p><p>“It’s not that bad.” He settles for that, because it’s true, it isn’t as bad as living here with is father, that had been much, much worse.<br/>
“Yeah, I’m sure. Says the guy who’s literally shaking right now.” Sokka says sarcastically and Zuko self consciously looks down to his hands to find that, yes, he is indeed shaking a little. He places his hands behind his back.<br/>
“What did you want to talk about?” Zuko asks. Sokka raises a brow at the sudden change of topic, but then sighs, tension leaving his shoulders.<br/>
“I don’t know, what do boys our age normally talk about? Fighting, training, warrior stuff, girls maybe?”<br/>
“I wouldn’t know, never grew up around normal boys my age. Only Azula’s friends and other nobles or royalty.” Zuko says.<br/>
“Yeah, same with me. Well not the royalty part obviously, but the part about never growing up with boys my age. They all left the tribe with my dad to fight in the war, but I wasn’t allowed go, I was too young.” Sokka pauses, looking up at Zuko in the eyes and grins, “But it’s nice now having you in the group. Who knew I would ever be chilling with the Fire Prince himself.”<br/>
Zuko couldn’t help but blush a little and matches Sokka’s smile.<br/>
“Thanks. I like being here too.” Zuko mutters, failing to think of anything less awkward because he’s so flustered from being slightly complemented.<br/>
“Good.” Sokka says and then pats the vacant place in the obnoxiously red bed next to him, “Here, come on, stop sitting on the edge like an awkward otter penguin and come here.”</p><p>Zuko chuckles a little, but doesn’t hesitate to come up next to Sokka, his presence so warming and comforting. That draught of salt and shells filling his lungs again, such a strong contrast to the stale, old smell of the building. </p><p>Zuko sits next to him, a mere few inches between their shoulders, despite it being a very large bed with lots of space. He can hear Sokka’s breath from here, the deep steady breathing causing his chest to rise and fall, over and over. Zuko feels the tension leave his body and the pounding in his chest quieting a bit as he subconsciously mirrors Sokka breathing. It seems the wind outside has also died down a bit, as Zuko suddenly notices the lack of pounding on the walls, just a gentle whistling taking its place. He looks over to Sokka, realising that neither of them have said anything, which is odd for Sokka, but he just finds the other boy staring back at him, as if closely observing him, and when his eyes reach Sokka’s he smiles again. Zuko wonders for how long that smile has been making his cheeks heat up like it is now, for how long he hasn’t noticed the beauty that Sokka is, the calm side of him that accompanies his chaos. </p><p>He feels as Sokka’s cool hand brushes up on his, resting directly above his, and Zuko turns his hand, letting their fingers intertwine. It feels so right, like finally delving into a connection that was always there, like finally accepting feelings that were always present, like finally taking a moment to breathe and appreciate what they have, which is something that is just so perfect and Zuko wants to hold Sokka’s hand for the rest of his life and-</p><p>Zuko’s muscles tense a little, and a breath catches in his throat.<br/>
“Aren’t you- I mean, like- what about, um, Suki?”<br/>
Sokka glances down at their hands and then at Zuko’s face again.<br/>
“Oh, don’t worry about her. We actually, um, broke up I guess? Listen, we both love each other so much, but we just aren’t in love with each other, you know?” Sokka explains and Zuko lets himself relax again in Sokka’s grip.<br/>
“Oh.”<br/>
Sokka leans into Zuko’s shoulder, causing his heart to flutter a little.<br/>
“Yeah, oh.” Sokka responds.<br/>
Zuko looks down at Sokka’s face resting on his shoulder and notices little freckles splattered around his nose and cheeks. It’s almost annoying how pretty he is. He lets his head fall onto the other boy’s soft, brown hair and wraps his arm around Sokka’s further. Zuko can feel his negative headspace and feelings melt and float away as his mind fills with thoughts solely about Sokka, Sokka, Sokka.<br/>
“You’re really warm, hot stuff.” Sokka whispers.<br/>
Zuko’s lips curl upwards and he shuffles even closer to Sokka, their legs and hips now pressing together. Zuko doesn’t think he has ever felt this safe and comfortable laying next to someone else ever before. The world around them disappears, the worries of the past now distant memories, the only thing that matters is the boy laying close to him, so impossibly close.<br/>
“I like your hair down.” Zuko says softly and he can feel the vibrations of Sokka chucking next to him. He wishes he could capture that sound and listen to it forever.<br/>
“It is pretty sexy down, isn’t it?” Sokka asks and Zuko hums in agreement.<br/>
“Mm, it really is.” </p><p>Zuko’s eyelids flutter closed as the exhaustion from the day and night finally catch up to him in this completely relaxed state. Sokka’s breathing tickles his bare arms and their finger are still clasped together. Zuko is at peace, even if it’s temporary, even if nothing in this world will ever let these two boys be together, at least they can be holding each other in the dead of the night, while the rest of the world is fast asleep.   </p><p> </p><p>If the two boys fell asleep wrapped up in each others limbs, absorbed in each other’s warmth, feeling a comfort that is indescribable, and were noticeably late to breakfast together, that is between them and the spirits above.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you so much for reading!! i’ll admit, this fic is a bit of a mess. i am flattered if you made it this far. this was so much fun to write and i really hope you enjoyed reading it. you are more than welcome to leave a comment if you liked it or have any constructive criticism, everything is greatly appreciated. </p><p>who knows, maybe i’ll feel inspired and add another chapter to this just to deepen the zukka relationship and flesh it out a bit more, idk. but even if i don’t i still have a bunch of wips so yeah, if you like my weird, angsty style of writing, stick around and see what comes out of me next. </p><p>again thanks so, so much for reading and have an amazing day &lt;&lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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